There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
