Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
