I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
