i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
