You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
