high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
