Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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