if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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