Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
