Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
