and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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