what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
