someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
