Life is so much better after having sex.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How external is "for external use only"?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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