And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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