I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
