I have demons in me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize