im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Please don't give away my fajitas
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
