I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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