I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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