I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
cat food counts as protein by the way
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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