Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
3 2 1 whiskey
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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