you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
