Already got asked if we're dating
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
