You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
