I should be sponsored by Trojan
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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