yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize