i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
