On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
