Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
