I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
