Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
