im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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