genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
