He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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