We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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