i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
