They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
