yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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