Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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