Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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