I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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