I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
