u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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