It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
