Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
