do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
