Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
operation harelip BJ is a go
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
