Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
