My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize