a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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