So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
