Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize