Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
