I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
