talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
