Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
