The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
