It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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