question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
is it fun? or sober?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
