She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
