I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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