so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
