You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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