Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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