You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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