College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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