I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
