actually, I'm a sock model
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
