Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
