You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
