Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
