I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
