my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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