You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
