I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
