paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm like, not good at living.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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