I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
