All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
