last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
