he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
be right there i have to get my cape
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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