I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize