Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
