she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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