as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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